Just in time for World Emoji Day on July 17, the world’s biggest network has answered the question nobody asked: if your emojis could talk, “what sound would they make?” The answer to that question is probably one of the most cringeworthy features since memojis. Yes, I said it!

Wait, what?

Yes, dear reader. You are reading this right. Sounding like the kind of throwaway idea that comes early in a brainstorming session, but gets taken way too far, Soundmojis are accessed by tapping the loudspeaker icon in the expressions menu. This feature gives you access to a range of sound effects, from more generic options like a drum roll or applause, to big celebrity tie-ins. Facebook is going in hard on trying to make this work by partnering with the likes of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Rebecca Black and Universal Pictures’ F9. All of these are paired with a corresponding emoji for what Facebook calls the “best of both worlds.” However, I’m sure the “best” is not a louder chatroom. In fact, the less sound my apps make, the better. 

No, thank you

I mean seriously. I’m not going to speak for everyone on the Laptop Mag team, but I die of embarrassment any time my phone makes a sound. And I know many others who keep their devices strictly on silent at all times.  And yes, “silent” means no noise but vibration, to actually know you have notifications — if you think it means no noise or vibration, you and my D&D character will get on well in the chaotic evil alignment. This is not even a debate. With that user behavior in mind, I think it’s a fair prediction that this feature will be quickly panned by Facebook, regardless of how much Vin Diesel and Rebecca Black the company throws at it. But I will republish this piece and admit I’m wrong if we’re all using Soundmojis in six months!